Stories from those living with HIV

My name is Matea. When I was 16, I felt unwell with a fever and was taken to hospital where I was given blood tests. It was then that I found out that I was HIV positive. I was gutted. It was so hard to take in. At the time I had so many questions in my head, but did not feel like talking. I felt nervous, was shaking, and just wanted to be left alone and to sleep. I also felt empty and stronger at the same time – stronger in that I now know what was happening to me. Every day is different when living with HIV, and it never goes away. At times it can just pop into your head whether you want to think about it or not. HIV is a part of you. When you are down, the slightest thing can feel hard – like the medication regime day in and day out.

It is not an easy life. But, the hardest thing is coping with how you feel people will judge you, and the prejudice behind the illness that exists in our society. The support group Body & Soul was the first place I went to when I found out I was HIV positive, and through this I have been given the courage to keep going. Seeing others like me and sharing information has helped to keep me strong. I worry how others might react if they find out. There appears to be a lack of knowledge and much stigma surrounding HIV. You fear rejection and the thought of being excluded from things. The thought that people will look the other way if they find out scares me.

Please remember that this is just an illness and I’m still the same person I was before you knew I had it. As for me, what do I want? I just want to finish my degree, find a job, and live my best years as happily as I can.